I'm Onto You, Pinterest...

Once upon a time, (You know... about a year ago) I loved to entertain. I would find any reason to break out my fanciest dishes, platters, decorations and recipes... and gather everyone at my home, for any celebration possible. I'm (was) the girl who can whip up a shower or birthday party overnight. I have obnoxious collections in boxes, cupboards, and drawers... full of the necessary items to do so. It makes me happy to do it, and I get a sense of "I've got it handled" that gives me some sort of creepy pleasure, and makes me feel important. I have gone completely overboard with elaborate games, themes, gifts, etc. I never had an issue coming up with a neat, little idea to make the 'event' its own. I've had frantic phone calls from hosts of such events, the night before, needing my help. I, of course, smile sweetly through the phone and say, "Don't worry. I've got it handled". I show up with everything they forgot, or didn't have in the first place, and I get to feel like I saved the day. Hell, I even toyed with the idea of going into party planning. My holiday decorations were over the top, my tables were beautiful and creative, my food was well thought out, with surprises and shit. I, and everyone else, were always impressed with my efforts and outcome. I was Miss Dependable. All was right in my world. Then Pinterest happened...

Now, I'm not saying Pinterest is a bad thing. It's full of all sorts of awesomeness. In fact, I wrote a whole blog post about how much I love it. When I first joined, it was mostly recipes, outfits, shoes, braids, and exercise biz. I could log into that website... without stroking out. It was manageable. I could scroll through the pins of like... 8 people... and pin a few things that sounded scrumptious, or looked like might be fun. There were a few things that made me go, "Holy shit!! How did they DO that?!", but most of it was pretty run of the mill. I even revved up a few recipes, and made them 'better'. I got a few ideas for nights when I was having a dinner brain-fart, and that was that. Oh-em-GEEE.... has that changed.

After attending a few gatherings, and hearing other people say "Oh, it was nothing!", I thought I'd round up a few new ideas for my own repertoire. With Easter fast approaching, I decided to log into Pinterest to see what cute, little things people were showcasing. What can I bring to my Sister's house, that will get a few "Wows", and allow me say, "Oh, it was nothing!" a few times? I had a moment of panic. And a possible seizure? C'mon... What the hell IS all of this!?! Who has the effing time or energy to tackle all of this nonsense!? I used to know what I was doing with my life. Suddenly... I'm making hard-boiled eggs wrong. My toenails aren't fancy enough. My outfit is all wrong. My favorite dip, is now in the shape of a dinosaur. I'm cleaning all wrong. I buy soap... WHAT?! I found out what kind of baby I was having, in peace... without an extravagant celebration. I gave birth without a journalist and Videographer present. My kids had their pictures taken at Proex. My vases aren't homemade, neither is my shower curtain. People eat/decorate with Peeps. (I guess they are not just for ants anymore?) I don't do rounds of 64 sit-ups, followed by arm curls in a new design, and push-ups upside down, with my leg wrapped around my abdomen. My serving dishes don't hang from the ceiling, on homemade ropes or chains, or spin in figure-eights.... And my fucking head hurts. So long, Miss Dependable. Your shit sucks. It's time to step up your game. :)

After I pinned a bunch of stuff, (Just in case the masses are right, and I can wash my hair with table scraps) I logged out and went to a weird place. What is to become of my neat, little stuff? There is no way anyone would ever ask for my help again. Are they laughing behind my back? "Haha. Who needs that broad anymore?! If we want a ten-tier doughnut, edible flower and bacon cake... Pinterest will tell me how to do it myself. Did you see her decorations? I think some were from PARTY CITY!?!?" I will surely just be a guest from now on. I'm not actually needed anymore.

I feel like not only simple things, like showers/parties, have turned into three-ring-circuses... so have holidays. The mother of them all, being Christmas. Everybody knows... Christmas is the shit. You collect things your whole life, and display family heirlooms next to new items with pride. The more lights the better, and they are up in November. Your tree is the bomb, and Christmas dinner is something to behold. Could we not just leave it at that?!!? With the recent addition of the all important half-birthdays... we now have one special occasion... like, every flippin' month! 

Valentines Day used to be considered a "Hallmark" holiday. You buy cards... and maybe little tokens of affection for crushes, boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands or wives. If you were in school, you would sign your name on 25 pieces of cheap cardboard, (Whichever design your Mom picked out at Walgreens) and give your classmates a Pixie Stick, along with their 'card', in their designated shoebox. Nowadays... the more over the top you go... the better. My kids came home with bags full of candy, toys and trinkets this year. No doubt, developed for Pinterest, by some mom who has time for an Elf On The Shelf. Happy Valentine's Day, 'I got all the time in the world lady'. Cupid called... he was wondering if you'd get a job? Or a hobby that doesn't involve my kids feeling ashamed by their measly package of M&Ms they brought? Ain't nobody got time for this... at all.

 Thanksgiving is another one. Yes, gathering with family and friends, and giving thanks to whatever you are thankful for is great. It is one of the 'bigger' holidays already. The food is good, and abundant. Families have their traditions in place, and everyone eats till they puke/nap, and it's a sort of 'kick-off' to the holiday season. It's the holiday (Family warm-up) where you reconnect with family members  you haven't seen since Christmas, and the reason you remember why you haven't. Well, not anymore. Now... it's the holiday that messes with every ounce of pre-holiday sanity you possess. According to Pinners, there are about 392 ways to cook a turkey. You better pick the right one, to avoid being the laughing stock of your entire family. Your stuffing needs about 15 new ingredients to be up to Pinterest standards, and sweet potatoes (Covered with Easter's stale Peeps...) are a thing of the past. You must now only use Yams. Don't get me started on the vegetables. Gone are the days of steamed... anything. You can't even have regular pumpkin pie with Cool-Whip anymore, without hanging your head in shame. You must have a homemade pie... with secret, expensive, elusive ingredients, in the shape of a cornucopia... filled with... various mini-pies? HELP!!!The whole thing is ridiculous. Can't I just eat some crap and get drunk so I can enjoy conversation with people I avoid most of the year?! Sheesh!

My 4th of July cake... decorated with berries, to look like a flag... is now not as cool as it once was. And, my Memorial Day stuff... well... we haven't done that yet. We just are happy to have a day off. Same goes for Labor Day, President's Day, MLK Day, and all the rest of them that only require theme parties if you are regularly on Pinterest.

Easter has always made me feel a little weird celebrating in extreme ways, being that we are not a religious family. We are the family who make it about family.... and the Bunny. I always though it was a tad out of hand that folks even made the bunny tracks out of flour, to trick their kids into thinking an actual giant bunny left them... while hiding baskets and candy... while they slept. ? Ok... So, the Tooth Fairy and Santa aren't stressful enough to pull off... let's add Giant Bunny? I have never been a fan. I just want to hide some eggs in the yard, dress up my kids, eat some food that I shouldn't... and drink some wine. And that is what I'll do... after I hide a bunch of fricken candy around my house, buy a bunch of itunes cards, make a Pinterest 'Peep cake'... and find some suitable, Pinterst approved, food to bring. :) There are some things I still must do for my kids... and for tradition's sake. Baskets being one of them. I didn't do it last year, and the disappointed faces still haunt me in the night. I don't want to take ALL the fun out of it, because I'm pouting about my lack of creativity compared to other over-achieving, 'look what I came up with' moms. :) Some things are just fun to do, no matter how fancy or extravagant they are. I'll tell you what, though... the first time someone makes me feel guilty that I don't have a naughty, Marshmallow Peep On Afuckingshelf... Bribing my kids into behaving... and switching out all the light bulbs with chocolate in the night... I will thunder-punch them in the neck. I refuse to participate in that. (For now) :)

Even if Simple things... like Holidays, redecorating your house, gardening, having babies, and cleaning... have been made into 'grandiose marvels' by things like Pinterest... I guess it doesn't mean that I have to throw in the towel. I can continue to throw parties, events and such.. and maybe even take a few pointers from a website. I'm still not going to go hog-wild, with time consuming additions to what I already do... but, hey, new ideas are sometimes fun! Right?! I guess everything is changing... and I better get used to it. It's no surprise, and not totally Pinterest's fault. Everything is bigger and more grandiose than it used to be... everywhere in the world :) I wonder what everyone will think of my new and improved deviled eggs on Sunday?!!? And my hand-crafted, chocolate dipped... other stuff that I haven't figured out yet :)

So, after all of this ranting and raving about how much I hate everything holiday and Pinterest related, I'm gonna go call some of my friends... see if they know of a cheap, architectural, baking class we could take... so I can come up with some sort of impressive, fourteen-tier, wine and Chuck Norris infused cake... just in time for Girls Weekend. My favorite 'holiday' of them all. :) Take THAT, Pinterest! Wait... can I get a trademark on that?! I better hurry... I think I saw a 6-tier one on there already... :)

Cheers! And Hoppy Easter! (I saw that whole 'Hoppy Easter' thing on Pinterest... so...) :)

How Sweet Of You To Say That... Sort Of.

Ahhh... kids. They have this way of throwing you a back-handed compliment, yet melting your heart... all at the same time. It's like a passive-aggressive talent they all acquire at birth. I've had more than my fair share of that lately, with at least one kid being home sick consistently... on rotation... with the Bubonic Plague, since BEFORE CHRISTMAS! After some reflection this afternoon, I'd like to share a few of my favorites:

"Mom... Your new bikini top is really cute! Am I gonna have big, huge boobs like that, too? Or... is it just something you have?"

"Mom, thanks for these eggs. They are really good. Has Dad ever shown you how he makes them? His are reeeaallly good!"

"Wow, Mom. The phone rings all day long. You have a lot of friends. Is that why I never have clean socks?"

"I like that you are a young Mom. I bet everyone was mad at you when you had me so young!" (Mmmkay... for the record... I was 24. Clearly old enough to breed. So...)

"Mom, you are so nice to us when we are sick. We get to play video games, eat ice cream for breakfast, and not take a shower for lots of days." (I mean... it's cold outside, and ice cream does have some beneficial nutrients... and peanut butter... or something. Don't judge until you have to sit by them... they reek.)

The best one came at about 2:30 this afternoon. My Son and I were watching the show "The Doctors". (Or, it was on in the background... I was doing dishes and talking on the phone. I am not good at enforcing showers... or cooking... but I can multitask like a mother effer with my phone and cleaning duties. Its a gift...) They were talking about how if you pinch the skin on your elbow really hard, (I believe it's called your Weenis! My God that makes me laugh! It's obscene/embarrassing how funny I find that, actually. What am I? SEVEN!?) Ok... so... my kid came into the kitchen with a shocked look on his face, yelling about how, "It's true, Mom! I'm pinching this and I can't feel it!" I noticed he was pinching his weenis really hard, and said "Yeah, buddy! I already knew that!" (The whole time trying not to yell out WEENIS PINCHER!) He kinda scowled/snickered and said, "Huh.... how do you even know that? It's not like you went to college." (Oh, snap. I can handle the other bitch slaps lately... but that one is a digger... you get eggs for lunch AND dinner today.) I let it go, like a patient Mother who has completely had it with her children, and slowly started rinsing dishes again. I actually thought to myself, "Well... you're the one who pinches his own weenis and gets all excited about it" But I kept that to myself. What's the point? He's going back to school tomorrow... And I'm gonna get on line and find a college to attend. Out of spite. It's been a minute since I went to a frat party, anyway... might be fun :)

I think he realized I was pissed. He came back into the kitchen and wrapped his arms around me. (I'm surprised I didn't get a, "Mom... there's so much of you for me to love, I can barely get my arms around you!" But he refrained) He said, "You know what's funny, Mom? You are the smartest person I know... and you didn't go to college. How is that?" Ahhh.... redemption. He gets to live another day.

Now that I liked him again, I went on to explain how Moms and Dads can be extremely intelligent, and never set foot on a college campus, whatsoever. (That statement can be a slippery slope, when I've been drilling into him since birth that he WILL attend college. I'll deal with that later.) I told him that I have lived a pretty interesting life, I have learned a lot along the way, and I also went to Cosmetology school. I stopped myself before I got into the whole "You can learn so much more about life... while living your life..." stuff. I didn't really want to get into it with him,  and actually got offended (again) when he told me that Cosmetology school is not college. At this point it's Mom-0 Skylar-3. I'm just... not gonna get mad. He's 9. He doesn't even know yet, how bad it really DOES hurt when you pinch your own 'weenis' really hard.

I thought about why that made me so upset, and I think it's a pretty simple thing. I have spent so much time in my life trying to prove that I have a brain under all that blonde hair, I was not expecting to ever have to do that with my own kid. He should just know that I think I am bright. That I was a math tutor, and a straight A student until Junior year of High School. (You know... boobs, boyfriend, parents' divorce... I've already covered all that) He has seen me clear the whole board on Jeopardy, correct people's grammar, solve my own Rubix cube, make sense of mysterious homework, organize and run a household, run my own business, and retain way too many unneeded facts that mean absolutely nothing in the scheme of life. A lot of things that an uneducated, dumb ass couldn't very well do. (Well... I guess I think I'm pretty awesome?) :) He should know all of that... right? I mean, he did say "You are way smarter than Dad, and he went to college..." and he loves me. I'm his Mom. He isn't all of those other people who judged me by my appearance, and wrote me off as a blonde idiot.

Why does that bug me so much? I don't care what people think of me in most other arenas of my life. So what if you don't find me attractive? I could not care less. You can judge the extra 30 lbs I carry around, my mom-like attire, my lack of heat control on relatively cool days, and my sweat stache. You can scoff at my need to go out and rip it up from time to time, my need for control, or my new beard. But, you insult my intelligence and I go bonkers. So odd...yet, so easy to understand. I can't begin  to tell you the amount of times I have heard the words "Wow... I never would have pegged you as a smarty pants" Or, "Huh... You really DO know what you are talking about." My own Husband being one of those people. (You'd think we met at a frat party or something...) I have never understood that, but it just has always been the case. The shock on people's faces when I say something witty is priceless. You should see what happens when I shout out correct trivia answers at a bar. (In between sets with the band... Morgan?) People get all confused... :)

It has been a long few months over here, and I'm probably just being really sensitive, and at the end of my rope with all the illness. I'm an old lady now, and other people's first impressions of me aren't what they used to be. (Many of them taking place at Frat parties didn't help much...) :) It's funny what you carry through life to be sensitive about. It's not the end of the world that I didn't go to a college, for anything but parties. I can be a functioning part of society without a Bachelor's in Science... or... Art? Or a PHD in... anything. It doesn't mean I'm a lesser person, or have anything to prove. I can foil the hell outta someone's hair, and talk to anyone for long lengths of time, even if they bug the shit out of me, and I hate their... everything.  THAT in itself, deserves a PHD, if you ask me. :) 

I guess my take-away from this long, drawn out explanation of my intelligence and lack of collegiate education is... Don't assume people aren't something... just because they didn't go to college? No, that can't be it. How about, Be careful with back-handed compliments. You never know what they are going to drum up? Nope... not that either. I'm coming to the conclusion that there isn't a take-away from this. I just need to be less sensi when dealing with my 9-year-old. He is, in fact, a pretty smart dude. Eventually he will learn how to just not say things that will set me off. His Sister will most likely just get worse with the insults and back-handedness. Being passive-aggressive, and... well... a bitch... comes along with going through puberty as a girl. I know about that already, and am fully prepared to not like her for a while. :) There is also... Everyone is getting flu shots next year, and home schooling will never happen in this house. OH... and Dad's eggs are ALWAYS overcooked... so don't let kids be the judge of good cooking. :) If you need me, I'll be just be here... reading the encyclopedia. Getting educated. Not proving anything... just studying. I'll catch you at trivia next week. :)

What Just Happened?

I have had a really hard time trying to process the recent goings on in our world. I haven't stopped crying for 2 days, and am at such a loss for the correct words... I felt I needed to ramble out a bunch of incomplete, incoherent thoughts... and hope some day I can make sense of it all...

I am not a religious person. I don't pray, and I don't fall back on churchie stuff in a time of need. However, this is one of those times, when I wish I had that in my life. Maybe those who speak to God would be able to explain this to me. Maybe a Priest or Minister would be able to shed a little light... or hope... onto the horrible, unspeakable, disgusting tragedy that happened yesterday in Connecticut. A madman opened fire in an elementary school. Brutally murdering 18 Kindergarteners, 6 adults, and 2 other students at that school. One of them being his Mother. Turning an entire country upside down, and ruining the lives of so many innocent people.... I still can't wrap my brain around it. I feel like my heart may explode from all of the sadness and empathy I feel. What the hell has this world we live in become!? I am raising children. Young, impressionable, compassionate... and somewhat desensitized children. This just makes me ill.

I spent the day glued to my tv... as most of us did. In shock, in tears, and overcome by feelings of hopelessness and confusion. HOW did this happen?! WHO would do such a thing?! Is this even real?! Who can we blame!? I don't understand. My babies are safe and sound at their own elementary school right now... aren't they? There are tens of thousands of elementary schools in this country... and this is happening in Connecticut, for crying out loud! Why is this too close to home, regardless of the fact that is clear across the country?! Is it out of line if I go pick them up!? They should be home with me. They are not safe. They are never safe. What do we do? Do we add more guns... to deal with all the...guns?! Do we move to London!? I really wish someone would explain prayer to me right now... I would pray my ass off for the rest of my life, if I even remotely thought it would help.

When my kids got off the bus and walked in the door, I burst into uncontrollable tears. The ugly cry. The kind you can't control... no matter how much you bite the inside of your cheek, or clench your jaw. There were facial contortions... and snot. I had no control. They were in such happy moods... shivering from their wintry walk home, wanting a snack, and asking if they could go play at friends' houses. My Husband hurried them over to me... and we hugged. We hugged for a really long time. I wasn't letting them go for anything. My kids know I only 'ugly cry' when it is necessary, so they were worried and wanted to know what was wrong. I had to tell them... didn't I? Ugh. Was I about to rock their little worlds?! What do I say?! That frumpy, Child Psychologist that was interviewed on CNN, said you shouldn't volunteer information to your children. Let them 'lead' the conversation. Mmmkay. Should I make them guess, then?! These are my children. The ones I hover over, incessantly. Part of me wants to make them sit down and watch every moment of coverage, and wrap their minds around the fact that this shit fucking happens. The whole, ugly truth of it. The other part of me wants to shuffle them off to play dates, go into protective mode, and pretend none of this even happened. They are too innocent and vulnerable to know the truth. We are not violent people. I don't allow guns in my house (Much to my Husband's dismay... big fight when we first moved in together... I won.) Hell, I don't even let my Son play those disgusting war games for the Xbox. (I'm the 'mean Mom' who won't, under any circumstance, have him engage in those, and half-judges other parents for allowing them... He has learned to just accept it...) I decided I would tell them a 'buffered truth'... and see what happens. All three of us are Libras. We hate violence more than anything. Since they clearly have never heard of such a tragedy... this is probably going to send them into a tailspin. Or, not...                               

My 9-year-old Son, who is so sensitive, he can't even watch "The Never Ending Story"... because Bastian gets tossed into a dumpster, said "WHAT!? Not AGAIN!! That's really sad. Why do people keep shooting everyone all the time!? I'm sorry, Mom." He hugged me really hard, and then went on the hunt for the cookies he smelled when he walked in the door. Okay... what? That didn't go quite as I expected. I guess he took that... fairly... well? Hmmm.

My 11-year-old Daughter sat next to me for a while... watching the first press conferences, and grown-ups crying on tv. She kept looking at me... tears streaming down my face... almost like she felt badly for ME. Like she didn't quite 'get' why I was so bent. This happens all the time! Why am I so upset?! She was visibly, a lot more shaken than her Brother, but I still didn't quite 'get' why she only had a couple of questions, and wasn't bawling right along with me! She said "I don't understand what would make someone so mad. Why would he DO this?!" and "I would never want to go back to my school. Ever again. Those poor kids."

I wasn't sure what to expect out of them. Would I have to console them, answer a million questions, explain a lot of stuff, and hold them and tell them it's gonna be ok? Or would I have to pick them up off the floor and rock them into submission?! The news people made such a big deal about 'how to talk to your kids about this'... I figured we were in for an absolute melt down. None of that happened. I've been set up! Something ain't right! Don't get me wrong... they were upset. They felt sad. Their hearts were broken... but something dawned on me. They didn't fall completely apart, because they really ARE used to this. This wicked, evil display of insanity. Mass shootings... and devastation. This, in some fucked up way, is their normal. Holy shit. That is a giant pill of "WTF" I'm not prepared to swallow. My poor babies...

Like I said... I don't allow guns in my home. Nor, do I believe everyone should be 'packing' at any given time. I'm not a fan. I guess you could say I am an anti-guns gal. (Go ahead and hate... I couldn't care less) I understand that there is no way to make guns illegal. I'm not an idiot. If somebody wants to get high... they can find illegal substances. If a man wants to bang someone, other than his wife, he can find/pay someone to do so with him. If somebody wants to shoot up a classroom full of babies... they can find the weapons to do just that. It's just that seedy of a world we live in. Anyting you want... annnyyyyting. Ugh. Gross. What makes me the saddest, is what it has done to our kids. With things like the internet, social media, and live footage of EVERYTHING... we have real-time access to every devastating event that takes place around the world. And everyone's points of view. (Whether or not you agree with them) Our kids are so used to seeing this, and digesting this... even in the background of their lives... they have become almost immune. Desensitized. I'm not ok with it. At all.

Even if you monitor everything you think they see... you are failing. If you think other people's opinions aren't heard by them... you are wrong. If you think that mass shootings, dead babies, and chaos are going to shock them into a state of despair... guess again. They are part of a new generation. A generation that has seen, live and up close, some of the most brutal acts of mankind. Heard words and discussions we never did. Have had to process so much... and mature so quickly... I'm actually grateful I'm not them. The never ending coverage of this tragedy, considering the recent pattern of this insanity, will definitely plant the seed in some mentally unstable mind, and it'll only be a matter of time until the next, big, mass shooting/murder. You can pray... and pray... and pray for that to not be the truth. But... like everything else... you'll be doing it in vain. It won't change the inevitable. It WILL happen again. I feel like I am going to throw up.

As I grieve for these Mothers and Fathers, who will not get to spend Christmas with their beautiful children, and the community that will never be the same... I have to remember my job as a Mother. I guess the best thing I can do for now, is to reiterate... over and over again... how important it is to see this as a learning experience. I can't fall apart anymore. I need to let my kids know how I feel about all of this, and make them talk to me about it. Coherently. There is a big part of me that thinks they have been molded into these desensitized, little beings... because we don't have the capacity to explain the things they know about at such a young age. I know some will take solace in the fact that these babies are now with God. In Heaven. Some will be grateful it didn't happen to them. Others will pass blame... It's the NRA's fault. It's the media... it's video games... When the truth is, it's not anyone's fault. It just is what it is. This is our world now. As sick as it is, we now need to treat this as our normal. We need to prepare ourselves, and our children, to handle epic tragedies in the manner we feel most suitable. And THAT... is a tragedy all on it's own.

I may say a little prayer tonight. I'll probably fail at that, too. (I mean... are ya there, God? It's me... Salina. Nice to... meet you?) We'll see how that goes. If it gives so many people hope... it's worth a shot... I literally don't know what else to do. Except hug my kids... and try to form complete thoughts at some point in the next few days? That may help, as well....

Rest in peace, all 26 victims. You will never be forgotten.

Whenever I Call You Friend....

According to the Urban Dictionary... A Friend is:

"A friend is someone you love and who loves you, someone you respect and who respects you, someone whom you trust and who trusts you. A friend is honest and makes you want to be honest, too. A friend is loyal.

A friend is someone who is happy to spend time with you doing absolutely nothing at all; someone who doesn't mind driving you on stupid errands, who will get up at midnight just because you want to go on an adventure, and who doesn’t have to talk to communicate with you.

A friend is someone who not only doesn't care if you're ugly or boring, but doesn't even think about it; someone who forgives you no matter what you do, and someone who tries to help you even when they don't know how. A friend is someone who tells you if you're being stupid, but who doesn't make you feel stupid.

A friend is someone who would sacrifice their life and happiness for you. A friend is someone who will come with you when you have to do boring things like watch bad recitals, go to stuffy parties, or wait in boring lobbies. You don't even think about who's talking or who's listening in a conversation with a friend.

A friend is someone for whom you're willing to change your opinions. A friend is someone you look forward to seeing and who looks forward to seeing you: someone you like so much, it doesn't matter if you share interests or traits. A friend is someone you like so much, you start to like the things they like.

A friend is a partner, not a leader or a follower."

I happen to agree with all of that. 100% of it! :)


In the spirit of giving thanks, and seeing I only touched on this topic in my last post... I must concentrate on my girlfriends for a minute. They happen to be some of the most important people in my life... Plus... it would be a really fun thing for me to write about :) (Warning: this may get extremely long... so... just wanted to let you know.) :)

Starting from childhood, I realized that having a group of tight-knit friends was of the utmost importance in my life. I'm a Libra... I'm a social person... and I hate being by myself. What better way to remedy all of that, but to surround myself with chicks that fulfill all of those needs... and then some. Thanks to facebook.. I have been able to get in contact with my best friends from my early days, who were such an integral part of my growing up. We are all busy moms now, and don't always have time to catch up, physically. It is wonderful for me to be able to see that these childhood besties are so happy and successful. I get to see pictures of their darling kids... and still be a tiny piece of their lives. It's kind of like... a moment on the lips... a lifetime on the hips...  (Whoops!! sorry.. inner fat kid moment. I made cookies yesterday, and have been dwelling on the fact that they are in the kitchen... and I am... not.) I meant to say, A few years as a best friend... a lifetime in my heart. As cheesy as THAT sounds... It works :) Even if you grow apart, they still are a part of who you are.


I am fortunate enough to have a rather expansive group of girls, who I hold so dear to my heart. My 'Lifetime Besties'. They are like my family, and an extension of who I am. I have been known to put them before myself, and take on their pain, joy, fear, and struggles as if they were my own. They have all done that for me, too. They have been constants in my life for as long as I can remember. As I have grown and changed, and become my more 'adult' self... (term used loosely) I have both, made new friends, and held onto a few childhood friendships that mean the world to me. I consider myself extremely fortunate to be able to do so! On a regular basis, I have 7 or 8 girls with whom I share everything, and keep up on what is going on in their lives. (Counting my Sister and Cousin) We all live in different cities... and have different, sometimes majorly conflicting, schedules... but they are the real deal, and I'm so proud of who they are, and even more proud to call them my 'peeps'. (Although, I don't usually call them that specific term... out of... respect? Or because they aren't made of marshmallow? I don't know...) Anyhoo... Some are crazy, and are necessary for fun things. Some are my emotional support, and just... necessary for life. :) Some are my favorite 'laugh till you pee' partners, but as a whole, these chicks rock! They are the reasons I plan Girls weekends and Girls Christmas Parties. Any chance I have to gather them all up, I will take it and run with it! I mean every word of what I'm about to say about them. And I love them all so much... I can't begin to describe it :)

 Two of my best friends are friends I made in Jr. High, and have, literally, grown up with them. These 2 women serve such completely different purposes in my life... it's almost comical that they are from the same time frame. :) The one who I call my "Easy Friend" is just that... easy. She has the biggest heart of anyone I know, and tries so hard to always do the right thing. She is kind to everyone, and always gives you the benefit of the doubt... even if you do not deserve it. She just had her second baby, and is filling her days by breast feeding, and dealing with a 4 year old. It's been fun to be able to share all of this with her. She is so relaxed about almost everything... that when she has hormonal breakdowns, my heart actually hurts for her. I remember those days... She will always be one of those people in my life that calms me... and makes me laugh :) We are the Godparents to each other's children, and one of the first, daily phone calls... every day. On the flip side... my other friend from that time has been more of a Sister to me. We have a much more 'passionate' friendship. We fight like Sisters, love like Sisters, support each other like Sisters, and at the end of the day... we probably have the longest history of anyone in my life... besides my Sister and me. She is extremely passionate about things, and has taught me a lot about how to be more like that. She doesn't take no for an answer, and is probably one of the most 'colorful' characters I have in my life. She can be sweet as pie, yet she can also be 'the one' I hate fighting with. She isn't an apologizer, and I sometimes love that about her. (sometimes) :) She goes through life with a confidence we all should have more of. The things she and I have been through, and done together in our lives are not comparable with any relationship I will ever have. Ever. She is my favorite travel partner, and my rock through so much of the 'ick' in my life. For that, I will always love her. (Even if we aren't speaking)  I could actually write a whole book about this one person... Maybe some day I will :) (Like.. for her Christmas/Birthday present or something... I'm sure she'd love that. I'll include that elusive 'Europe scrap book', too...) :)


 I have another best friend with whom I can laugh until I can't breathe, and snot is coming out of places it doesn't belong. It happens a lot, actually. She is probably the longest friendship I have, other than my school friends and Sister. Sometimes I feel like we are 'Kindred Spirits'? (Even though I'm not sure what that means, really... but it sounds right?) We became friends in beauty school, and it was like... an immediate connection. There are few things in my life since then, that haven't had her as a part of it. Some/most/frickenlots of my all time favorite memories are with her. It's something I can't describe. I just love her a whole bunch, and she really is my fravit frend. :) I can bawl my eyes out about anything, and she listens, and always knows what to say to make me feel better and laugh. She truly is one of the funniest, smartest, most compassionate, most beautiful people I have ever met. (Seriously... she's fucking gorgeous... it's gross...) :) She is an amazing mom, who happens to share the same 'momming' values that I do. We have been through SO much together, and can spend hours just laughing about dumb shit... cuz we just 'get it'. I don't have to explain things to her, because she already knows everything... even the meaning of red... and puffy lips... and charity. ugh. It's hard for me to not talk to her for whatever reason. Even if I'm pissed... or whatever... I still have to call her or text her, because it is imperative that she knows whatever info I need her to know... right at that moment. I can't stay mad for more than 5 minutes. :) One simple text... with nothing but an emoji... and I'm sobbing from laughter. That running man totally means something... and I'm not sure why. :) I love her so much, and am thankful I have been able to call her my best friend for so many years! We are so alike, in so many ways, it's almost bizarre we didn't grow up together. From music choices, and knowing every word to the music in the elevator... to boys we both knew, and things we find Illanoying... we are very similar people. We even resemble each other. People have always asked us if we are sisters, and she was my fake ID for years :) I'm pretty sure we were destined to be friends at some point... even without Scot Lewis. :) (Is that what Kindred Spirits means?! Mj!) This one is getting a book, too. Unfortunately, it won't make sense to anyone else... only she and I know how funny she and I are. :)


Another best friend of mine, couldn't be more opposite of me if she had a penis... and was... Chinese? She happens to be the person who talks me off a ledge, and makes me see a different side to everything from religion and politics (Samesies in my book) raising kids, dealing with family and friends... everything that life throws at me. We have been known to 'debate' for hours about everything under the sun. (She was a 'debater' in high school... I was busy... doing other things? And being naughty. I don't have those skills on my resume... so she usually wins. But, I give it my all to keep up) :) She keeps me informed of the goings on in the world, and is the first one to admit when she is wrong. She is beyond intelligent, and I love her for that. She sees the best in people... no matter what. She has had so many life experiences, she really does know what to do in most situations. I lean on her often, and hold her opinion in the highest regard. She inspires me and makes me feel like a better person just for having her in my life. We have been through so much together, as well... and have been friends for over 20 years. One of my favorite hings about our friendship, is that we have been each other's support system... when nobody else was there. Most people wouldn't pair us up as besties... but for whatever reason... it works. And I'm so thankful it does. She is one of the most patient people on the planet. She is a kick ass Mom, and an even better friend. She doesn't let many people 'in'... but when she does, you are 'in' for life. I'm honored to call her my friend, and know she will be there until one of us no longer is alive. :)

It's not often, in your adult life, that you make friends that seem to have just been there forever. I have a tiny, little, friend, that fits into that category. She and I met about 13 years ago, and instantly became best friends. It was weird. She started out as my client, and within a year... she was in my wedding. :) She married one of my Husband's best friends, and the 4 of us were inseparable for years. We did EVERYTHING together, and had some of our favorite times with them. She is one of those people that will cry WITH me when I'm sad. She is honest, loving, sweet, kind, not judgmental, caring, compassionate, funny as hell, loves to have a good time, and is a really good mom. I have learned so much from her. Especially from all of her struggles in the last few years. She is now a single mom, who works her ass off to ensure her kids have the best life she can give them. She puts them first, and I have grown to understand how strong she really is. She has really been through a lot, and has come out the other side, ready to be happy again. THAT takes amazing strength, to not lose yourself through that. She hasn't. She is still the same girl I met... she just found her spine. I love her so much, and am just dumbfounded that she hasn't ended up in the loony bin!! I admire her... and wanna call her right now... and cry about it. :)

Then there is my other tiny friend... she is the best! We met right after beauty school, at my first 'big girl' job. She was the receptionist, and I was a stylist. We have been friends ever since. She is such a huge part of my life, and I love her so much... I could squeeze her right fricken now! She is always the first one to offer to help with anything. It doesn't matter what it is. She is funnier than shit, and we have laughed until there were fluids. She makes amazing, crowd pleasing, effortless dips... and is ready for anything! She never misses anything important to me, and I can always depend on her to tell me to calm the fuck down. :) She is one of the most genuine people I know. She just is who she is, and who she is rocks :) We have lived together, laughed together, cried together, consumed lots of chemicals together, and have never been in a fight. (Which... in girlfriend world.. is unheard of.) Just the sound of her voice makes me laugh, and her laugh is contagious!! She is gorgeous, smart, loyal, sweet, honest to a fault, and is just one of those people you always want to have around. She also has a really perfect butt... but that isn't why I love her, I swear :) She is wonderful to my kids, and is one of the biggest supports my husband and I have. She has been through a lot, but remains the same person she has always been :) I just love her to death! She will Krump for Christ... and go to church the next day. Does it get better than that? :)

I have a newer addition to my list. She and I (she will understand that) have only been friends for about a quarter of the length of time as the rest of these girls... but I, for some reason, don't remember what it's like to not have her in my life. The first time I met her, I invited her to Girls Weekend. She has been one of my favorite people ever since. She is, hands down, the life of every party! She says and does things... on such an epic level... that nobody could ever compare to her! I think she is everyone's favorite! We have more inside jokes than should ever be allowed. She is one of the funniest bitches in the land. I made tank tops for girls weekend one year, with funny sayings on them. Because she has so many... the only way to narrow it down, was to save hers for last, and see what letters I had left :)  That same year, she coined a few phrases that have been used repeatedly... (Almost redundantly) for years. She has been MIA for a year. She just gave birth to twins. Nothing has been even remotely the same without her! She is one of the most honest people I know. Almost to a fault. She works hard, is an awesome mom, and when she put her mind to something... she does it with zest! I love her! She has a lot of friends, and I understand why. She truly is a great friend! I don't get to see her very often, or talk to her much, as she is feeding 2 babies... and has another child to take care of. We text almost every day, and that is almost as good... but when I get to see her face, my day just feels stage 4 complete :)

I have had many other girlfriends that have impacted my life in huge ways. (I just can't type anymore... I lost an eyeball about an hour ago...) :) I keep in contact with many... and some deserve a novel or two, themselves :) In the scheme of things, friendship is something that isn't a given. I pride myself on taking my friendships seriously, and giving as much, if not more, than I take. I have noticed the impact my friendships have been starting to have on my Daughter. She equates every one of her friends with one of mine... and it helps her work through certain situations with them. I am proud that she can take that from me, and be a better friend because of it. I am truly thankful for all of these women, and hope to continue our friendships for always. Whether we are going to see Madonna, sitting in sweats and laughing our asses off, crying and consoling, discussing important topics, and solving all the world's problems, heading up north, not dancing to G6, wearing a punnytail, reminiscing about trips, sharing our thoughts (and, yes... occasional judgements), sharing clothes, helping each other through divorces, child births, drunk puking, or... just checking in... I love you, and Thank You For Being A Friend. :)

Little Bits Of Thanks

Just like everyone else, this time of year makes me reflect on all sorts of things for which I give thanks. Some are silly... like, I'm thankful my hair has finally grown back, after that little midlife I went through... as a Brunette. And the fact that my kids are finally old enough that I can break out my china and crystal for Thanksgiving dinner... without having the sweats and thinking they are gonna break it. :) I'm thankful the Twilight movies are done. And I'm thankful I got to check 'Seeing Madonna live, from the front row' off my bucket list. There are also the really important things... like, I'm thankful for everyone's health, all of our parents are with us, I have a wonderful extended family that I adore, a Nephew that loves the shit outta me, a Niece who is the cutest thing on the planet, that fricken election is OVER, my cat has stopped leaking an abundance of worm sacs out of her butt... and we can (sort of) afford Thanksgiving dinner for a dozen people. (I mean really...  I'm keeping the leftovers... as collateral... to ensure someone else has to do it next year...) :) But mostly... I'm thankful we are having a peaceful year. Some are not so peaceful, and those have made us learn to appreciate a good one...

Over the past month, I have been reading everyone's "I'm thankful for..." posts on facebook, and feeling a tad guilty. I think I'm in the stage of life, where I am forced to focus more on the stuff I'm not as thankful for. Life is crazy, and I seem to always be trying to put out fires, (And deworm cats) and keep everyone happy and healthy. I lose sight sometimes, of what is really there to be thankful for. Life is good... and sweating the petty is overrated. It's time for me to give some thanks...

If you ask my 9 and 11 year old kids what they are thankful for, they would most likely answer with a bunch of material biz. Their gaming systems, 3rd row seats to Justin Bieber, ipods, iPads, iPhones (Don't judge. Remember... it's in the spirit of Thanksgiving not to... and we like Apple products. So what?) and all that other junk. I would feel like I failed as a Mother, but when you are that age... that shit is important! Don't get me wrong, they also know (I remind them often) how lucky they are that their Father and I forgo vacations, and a whole mess of other things  every year... so they can live where we do, dance, play hockey, wear clothes... and fricken... eat? Kids are not cheap. (Perhaps, my Husband was onto something when he cut me off at 2. I was going for the Breeder's Cup... and he was waiting in the parking lot of the nearest vasectomy joint... whatevs. I'll never tell him he was right... but that goes without saying.) :) We have a very happy, loving family. Their Dad and I genuinely love each other. We are both healthy, young(ish), don't argue much, make it our lives work to ensure they have the best family unit we can give them, and show them what that exactly means. We still hug and kiss... a lot. (We even put a lock on our bedroom door recently... so they don't bust in ever again... wondering what all the hugging and kissing is about... and accidentally learn alll about it. That was the worst... Oh my God... shake it off... Ugh.) Even if they don't get that yet... and their 'stuff' trumps our loving environment... some day it will be very apparent to them, and they will come to me with all sorts of "Thank you"s... and... gifts? I don't know... it could happen. :) Until then... I'm also grateful for their 'things' that keep them busy and happy. As, sometimes... I'm not in the mood to be all of that. :)

As I mentioned, in so many words, I have a wonderful marriage. I'm pretty sure that is the thing in my life, for which I'm most thankful. We celebrated our 10 year wedding anniversary last year, and are even more in love (Or... dependent on one another? Jury is still out...) than we were when we tied the knot. That man truly is my everything. He is my best friend, and makes me laugh every, single day. In fact, that has become our method of dealing with everything that comes our way. We laugh. As a family. A lot. We even have really funny kids. It helps, and makes me like them even more than I'm already expected to. :) We couldn't have made it through 2011 without a few, good, belly laughs. They were hard to find... but we managed.  My Husband works his ass off, and brings home the bacon, like I'm thankful I don't have to. I'm beyond thankful to him, that I was able to stay home and raise my kids. It is the  one thing I would not give up for anything in the world. Even in his heart of hearts, (Or... Jar of Hearts? Not sure...) he doesn't even know how thankful I am for that. He allowed me to be able to be that person... and I'm forever grateful.

I'm also really thankful for my girlfriends.  I would be a much different (and lesser) person, without each and every one of them. I'm so thankful they are in my life... and each one serves a different purpose to me and my family. My closest, sister-like friends, are my go-to girls for everything. Most of them have been in my life for decades... and I would die without them. (Especially my actual Sister... but I've already covered that a bunch... She rules... I'd die... lucky panties... blah blah blah...) I have always been the type of person that surrounds myself with people I dig for different reasons. A plethora of varying personalities makes me tick. Samesies is boring. In that area... I have never been lacking. From the ones I talk to daily, to the ones I see a few times a year, they all are amazing women in their own ways. I learn so much about life through our (sometimes drunken) conversations and debates. What would life be without your girlfriends?! I hope I never know... they make everything better, and I'm so thankful for them.

I'm thankful my Husband and I have jobs. Thanks to an economy that is in the shitter... that isn't a given anymore. We may not live in a mansion... or spend our Winters on a yacht, in St. Barts... but we get by. We have a home we love, food on the table, reliable, safe vehicles, and a bunch of other things we feel we need. I'm immensely thankful for that.

I'm thankful for wine. The end.


I'm thankful we live in a country where I don't have to be afraid to let my children go outside. In a world full of crazies... we live in a place where that is taken for granted.

I'm thankful for my darling, furry, babies. They make me happy, and even with worm sacks leaking out of their asses... they still warm my heart. We have lost many animals. (And probably shouldn't be allowed to adopt any... ever again...) but the ones we have right now, are the perfect trifecta of awesomeness. My oldest, Bijou, is the only thing I have left of my 'single girl' life. (I hold that dear to my heart... really... really... dear.) :) When she croaks, I will lose it. Until then... I'm just thankful I was able to nurse her back to health, and keep her for the last 15 years. She was my first baby. She rules.

I'm thankful I had so much fun, and made so many memories in my singlehood. (Is that even a word? I'm making it be one for now...) I have had some life experiences that still amaze/shock/tickle(?) me. I never had a problem with packing in as many 'fun units' as possible... whenever I could. I'm thankful a lot of that is in my past, but I'm not gonna lie and say I wouldn't want to do it all over again. Thanks late teens/early twenties! You were everything I ever wanted you to be... and then some.

I'm thankful that Thanksgiving is not a religious holiday. Unlike other holidays, I have no need to feel like a hypocrite celebrating it, and being a glutton... and drinking in excess... and all those other 'ungodly' things that people judge you for when it's supposed to be about Jesus.

I'm thankful, also... for Amazon.com. With Christmas fast approaching, that invaluable website will most likely save my life more than once. Fuck Black Friday... crazy people trampling each other for bath towels. No thanks. I'll forever be thankful for Cyber Monday :) (And sorry I said fuck just now... it was supposed to be about Jesus... see what I mean? WWJD?!!) :)


I have to try to remember how many things I have to be thankful for. I could go on and on... but I have too much cooking, cleaning and laundry to do. I'm hosting Thanksgiving on Thursday. Busting out my 'good dishes', blending our families, and being EXTREMELY thankful that is supposed to be in the 60s all week. As much as I am thankful for my home and all of that... I would eat my first born for a bigger kitchen. Since my Mother and Law and I are doing the cooking... it's a good thing everybody else can go play outside... away from the... well... the other stuff that goes along with cooking in a tiny kitchen with your Mother in Law. :)

Before I go... there is one more thing... I'm having trouble figuring out if I'm thankful for Ke$ha or not. She was on the Today show this morning... in all her pantsless glory. She only has what... 2 songs!? And she took time off to play with animals? I don't get it... what does she have against pants? I'm confused... and would be thankful for any inpt on how I'm supposed to feel about that broad. :)

Count your blessings, and Gobble Gobble!!

Ain't No Thang But A Helicopter Wing (Or... Blade? Whatever...)

I am a self- admitted 'Helicopter Mom'. (Well... and the butt of my non 'heli mom' friends' jokes... Cuz... it's super helpful and original, when you tell me I should put my kids in a bubble. I've never heard that before... good one. You really got me) :) Much to the dismay of my children, I am all up in their biz, monitoring every single thing they do. (Except when they are at school. I hate school. I've actually toyed with the whole home school option for some time... I just... don't have it in me. BUT... I'd at least know what they were doing every second. Man... I could really mess them up for life...) :) I don't let them do much that could possibly cause harm to them... or a heart attack for me. In fact... I have turned my Husband into a 'Helicopter Dad' as well. It's kind of funny, actually. He may even be worse than me... which makes me love him even more. (And judge him like he is a crazy person... Dude... settle down... They are just kids!) :)

For example... Say one of my children is running through the house. We both, in an instant, survey the area for sharp objects, or any sort of obstacle, and yell "STOP RUNNING!!!" Then, simultaneously, break down every possible scenario of possible injury... yell-screaming over each other to get our story across. I will yell "You could trip on that rug, and smash your face, break your teeth, and sprain your ankle... or poke an eye out!!!" Not that they hear what my totally rational scenario is... because at the very same time... in a deep, booming, man voice... my Husband yells out "You could HIT that corner, TRIP on that dog bed, fall on that box, (Yes... we DO pick up our house... but there are just bound to be objects in their way... we DO live in tight quarters, after all)  break your arm, and be paralyzed from the waste down for the REST OF YOUR LIFE!!! Do you WANT to be in a wheelchair!?!?!?" (To which, I respond by looking at him like he has lost it completely, and is an overbearing Dad... they are just KIDS and stuff... JEEZ! Lighten up!) :) It is getting worse and worse as the years go on, though. God forbid, someone tries to walk through the kitchen while we are making dinner... it's just... bad. You should hear what could happen if there are sharp knives in the closed drawer... or mac and cheese in a pan, on the stove. Or a stray cheese grater in the dishwasher. You'd be amazed... and scared for your life. It's pretty serious stuff.

That may sound dramatic... and even a bit (Ok... a lot) over the top, and hysterical, but in all honesty... these are the things that run through my head. Even with my nonstop hovering, we have had our fair share of injuries throughout the years. So, anything I can do to hysterically warn them of oncoming catastrophes... may soften or prevent the inevitable outcome. Nobody wants to have to call an ambulance. Butter knives CAN slip... and you only get 10 fingers. :)

I have always been a worrier... I thought. Then I became a Mom. The thought of my babies being hurt, or in pain, is overwhelming and unbearable. (Yes, I have been medicated... it didn't work.) I'm not sorry for it, and personally think you are asking for disaster if you do not hover. Having a daughter first made it really easy for me to be all high and mighty in my hovering. I've got this down to a science. She knows the rules... and follows them to a T. Easy breezy... Then I had a Son. My guy isn't as rambunctious as some boys his age, or as defiant as he could be... but he still has given me a run for my hovering money. He has always had this 'side glare' he throws at me when I tell him to knock something off. He'll do it one more time, pushing his limit, and then... stop. Out of fear I will ground him from his ipod. I don't let him crawl over the top of monkey bars, or ride his bike, unsupervised, all over town. He knows the rules, too... and I'm all good. Nothing can happen if I'm on top of all of this 'how far can I push my limit' stuff. And so I thought....

All of that changed a year ago, today. The day after his Golden birthday. I had, against my better judgment, started to let him go on bike rides with my 15 year old neighbor. We live on a lake, and there is a pretty safe path around it to bike. I figured he was 8, knew my rules, and was with a responsible, 15 year old. He was also wearing a helmet... how bad could it be?! Ugh... I was soon to find out how bad... it really could be.

To get to the bike path, he had to go around the corner from our house, via the street. It was a Sunday afternoon, at about 3:30, and he was leaving for a quick ride around the lake with the neighbor. I double checked that he had his helmet.. and off they went. My daughter and I were leisurely watching "Dance Moms" on the couch, and my Husband was painting the house. All was well... until the phone rang. Every Mom's nightmare.

Something told me to answer this call from an unknown number. I don't typically do that, especially on a Sunday... but this felt different. I said hello... and got "Is this Skylar's mom?" I said something. Then... "Hi. My name is Mary Blah blah. I don't want you to panic, honey, but I have your son. There has been an accident. The police are here, and the paramedics are on their way. You need to get here....." That's all I remember. It didn't really register. Is this real? She told me not to panic. Where am I? What is going on? Who WAS that? Am I wearing a bra?

I went on a mad hunt for my Husband (I think...). I was yelling for him, and he wasn't anywhere. I didn't realize he was already there. At 'the scene'. The neighbor kid had started yelling for him, and he just... knew. He ran... Full of paint from head to toe, and in complete disarray. I think I grabbed my daughter by the hair... or... ear? And we were off to meet them. This is starting to seem real. Shit. That Mary lady said don't panic... didn't she? It probably isn't that bad... just hold it together and breathe. He knows the rules. This can't happen to us. I hover.

We rounded the corner... and there they were. All of them. Running, yelling, and hovering over my baby as he just laid there... bleeding. :( The neighbors were all coming out, staring at this horrific sight, and I immediately became a crazed Mama Bear. I started yelling at all of them to go away... and giving them serious stank eye. It was all I could do. Don't just sit there and stare at my baby, you assholes!! Give us some space! I'm about to lose it....

I did what any Mom would do, and dropped to me knees, next to my bloody baby... and left my body. I'm serious. I had heard of out-of-body experiences, but until October 9th, 2011, had never thought that they were a real thing. Let me reassure any doubters... they're fucking real. I don't remember a whole lot of the details, but I do remember biting the crap out of the inside of my cheek, and calmly trying to talk to him, through the bandages and towels that were covering his face. His beautiful face... that they wouldn't let me see.

He had been knocked unconscious, and they were asking him all sorts of stupid questions now that he had come to. He kept looking at me with his terrified, big, teary, blue eyes... like he wanted me to tell him it was ok. Was it ok? He was doing his best to answer who the president was... and what year it was... but all he wanted was his sister. Shit! His Sister was there... she was seeing all of this!! I looked over my shoulder, and there she was... huddled into her Dad's chest... sobbing. This is just brutal.

Some more ishy stuff happened... lots of tears and me glaring at meddling neighbors. Then the ambulance arrived. My kid was strapped in a neck brace, on a stretcher... being loaded into a fricken ambulance... and we were off. The Paramedics were really sweet. Taking care of my baby... and me. They meant business, though. Their conversations with the hospital scared me to death. They were shouting things like "ARE YOU READY FOR US!?" "8 YEAR OLD VICTIM... POSSIBLE BROKEN BONES... LOSS OF CONSCIOUSNESS AT THE SCENE... MULTIPLE CONTUSIONS... ARE YOU READY!??!!?" (I mean... What is a contusion? ugh... I hate this...) I just had to concentrate on making sure my baby was going to be ok. He was starting to realize what had happened... maybe he can fill me in, cuz I'm clearly having a nightmare. Who does this kid belong to? Obviously a non-hovering Mom... not me. This is just a cruel joke. It is not an option. He knows the rules.. right?!

When we got to the hospital, we ran (And when I say "Ran".... I mean ran. I guess they don't mess around when it comes to kids...) down a couple of corridors until we got to emergency. My paint covered Husband, and my Daughter, were already there. (What? I guess when your kid is in an ambulance... you don't eff around with the speed limit.) He was treated immediately, barfed up a bunch of blood, got a bunch of medication, barfed up some more blood... and grinned a little bit behind the blood and tears covering his face, as the Doctors that saw his broken helmet, high-fived him, and told him how awesome he was for wearing it. That piece of equipment... most likely, saved his little life. He got taken out of the neck brace, and his pain meds kicked in. I do believe he even cracked a joke or two before we left the hospital. PHEW! He's gonna be ok... ohmyfuckinggod. I never want to go through that ever again. Now I'm gonna puke.... I'll wait till we get home, though. When I have my nervous breakdown... and the shock wears off.

The next few days were really awful. We started to piece together what had happened. Somebody in a car, hit my kid on his bike... and took off. TOOK OFF!! Who DOES that!?!?! They left him bleeding and unconscious in the street. I could puke... again. There were multiple doctor appointments, dentist appointments, detectives, tears, supportive friends and family, more tears, worried buddies of his, infections, plastic surgeons... in the weeks to come. I spent my 35th birthday at Children's Hospital. It was groovy... ugh. It is all a blur. But he is ok. Kids are amazing. In the first few days, he went from bleeding and infected... to... well... let's just say "sorta better".  And I went from having a few greys and wrinkles... to... I don't really want to talk about it. I aged 5 years that month.

It has been a year. I can't even believe it. It still seems like yesterday. I guess we are the lucky ones. Our baby is going to live and be ok. His lip still is mangled... and there is a tooth growing out of the side of his face... but he is still darling. And alive. It could have been SO much worse! He now has a whole new respect for riding in the street... and I think I have a whole new respect for dangerous situations. (My poor kids...) :) The invaluable lessons I have taken away from this are:

No matter how much you hover... or create fake scenarios to scare the shit outta your kids.... life happens.
Accidents happen.
Helmets save lives.
I can't control everything.
My Husband isn't always wrong about the butter knives. (Just maybe the wheel chair thing... I mean... they are kids...) :)
One day I am going to have to send them out into the world, and all I can do is try to give them the skills to do so successfully.
Kids don't like tracking devices in their arms.
I don't have to like any of this, but I need to accept it.
Being a Helicopter Mom does not leave me exempt from feeling like a bad mom.
I/they/we will make bad decisions that we regret.
I will pay 1,000,000 dollars for that elusive 'bubble' that everyone, sarcastically, keeps tells me I should have. :)
I should probably be medicated still.

Happy birthday to my guy... he turned 9 yesterday. :) Needless to say, it was a much better birthday than last year. We spoiled the shit out of him, and loved every minute of being able to do so :) October 9th used to just be a day on the calendar. The day after his birthday... and 3 days before mine. Now, it will always be "The day that could have ruined our lives, but thankfully didn't." I'm sure I will relive that nightmare every year on this day. I'm sure I will continue to hover, and they will continue to groan at me through their teeth... This I know. But it's my job. A year has passed... and most of his physical scars have healed... but the emotional ones will stay with me forever. What can I say?!?! If you hear a "woosh woooosh wooosh wooosh" in Eden Prairie... don't be alarmed. It's just me. In my helicopter. Making sure they are ok. Alone. Because it is FAR too dangerous for them to be in it with me :)

Fall... And A Dragon Tale

I have to say, Fall is my absolute favorite time of year. Not only do the kids go back to school, but I can finally put way the tank tops, flip flops that have been demolished, Mom-like bathing suits and cover ups... and sweat rags. The leaves are changing, and there is a crispness in the air and an energy that don't accompany any other change of seasons. (Even though said 'crispness' makes me sneeze, makes my throat close, and makes my eyes swell shut and itch... I still dig it.) :) If I close my eyes (Not a huge feat these days) and take a big whiff of the Fall air, I can picture myself getting ready for my first day of school, celebrating birthdays, football games, going to parties and Homecomings, bringing home babies... so many things, it kind of makes my head spin. (Or, that head spinning could be from the Lyme's Disease I acquired this Summer. From all of the ticks I encountered on nature hikes that didn't happen? Ugh.) This time of year really is a cornucopia of emotions for me.

There are so many fond memories of Fall from my life. I can sniff and smell the Fall air till I get a bloody nose, or end up in anaphylactic shock.... but what really throws me for a 'trip down memory lane' loop, more than anything, is music. I often wonder what life would be like without it. Every memory that is sparked, with my canine-like air sniffing, has a certain song attached to it. I grew up in a very musical family. (I can't even imagine the visual that I just gave you. Like we sat around on our floor.... playing banjos and harmonicas... slapping our knees to the beat. :) If you didn't get that visual... you're welcome. I'm actually dying a little bit.) :) We were no Von Trapp Family Singers, but there was ALWAYS music on in the background of my childhood. It was one of those things we never discussed... it just... was.

I learned to love music from my parents. My Mom and her Kenny Loggins, Mamas and Papas, and Boz Scaggs. My Dad with the Spinners, James Brown and The Kinks. We were constantly singing and dancing. Not much has changed. I still put on my favorite jams while I vacuum or do... anything. Anyone who knows me well will tell you, I know every word to every song... ever. (It isn't really true... but it sure has been a fun party trick my whole life...) :) It seemed natural that my childhood dream would be to be a rock star. Fuck being a Princess or a Doctor... I wanna yell-sing and dance around on a stage in front of thousands of adoring fans. Hell, Choir was even the only class I attended regularly in high school. If I'm gonna show up... there better be music involved. :) Unfortunately... I realized I can't sing well. Unless I've had a few shots... then I truly should try out for the Voice... Shouldn't I? I would have all 4 judges turned around, begging me to be on their teams. I'd pick Cee Lo... just to throw everyone off... cuz who really picks Cee Lo, if they can actually sing!? He and I would do a Pat Benetar duet... and I'd win. I'd have haters on Twitter, a song on itunes.... and all that stuff. :) Ok, enough of my delusional fantasies. It isn't gonna happen. I'm a Mom/Stylist who just loves a good night of booze and Karaoke. Is that so wrong? I guess I'll just keep spending obscene amounts of money on concert tickets... to go see people who are actually living that dream. Bitches. :)

Sorry... Moving on...

The last few day have been filled with a plethora of memory sparking songs. There is a new radio station that I found, that plays a veritable 'mixed tape' of my life. I was driving to work, and "We Belong" came on. I almost crapped my pants. In the list of my top ten... that is right around number 3. It is one of those songs that has a very specific memory for me. I briefly shut the eyes, (I was driving) took a breath of Fall, and was immediately brought back to when we brought our Daughter home from the hospital, in the Fall of 2001. I had recently purchased a cd with this song on it, and I played it over and over. (You know... raging hormones... first kid... it's a fricken GIRL... she's perfect... my crotch hurts... I'm wearing a giant mesh diaper... we belong... yadda yadda...) I vividly recalled me and my husband standing over her bassinet in the living room, staring at her in awe, and thinking "What the hell do we do now? Is she breathing? Did she come with a manual?" It was one of the best times in my life. I picked her up and we danced in the living room to my 3rd favorite song. I actually wanted to go pick her up from school right then and there, and recreate that moment. It felt so real and recent... yet it was over a decade ago. Music does that to me. Too bad I was late for my appointment... it was a short lived warm fuzzy, but overwhelming, nonetheless. God I love that kid. :)

The next 'music moment' came later that day. Now, I know this may sound silly, and I can't help it, but the song "Ditty" came on... and I lost my marbles. (As I do every time) It is number 1 on my list. Numero uno. It brings me back to Fall of 11th grade. I was in high school, and my life hadn't quite become a disaster yet. I was meeting new friends and boys, going to parties as a 'job', I was darling, and I loved every minute of it. All that mattered was... well... meeting boys, being darling and... parties. Such a meaningful existence I was living :) Anyhoo... Whenever that song comes on, I am filled with so many different memories. It's one that doesn't lead me to one specific memory, but represents a list of good times that I'm so glad I had. It's hard to close my eyes or smell the air during this one... as I am out of breath from 'bounce dancing' like an old lady, and rapping (?) my heart out... out of the side of my mouth... like a total white girl. (My kids have come to the unanimous decision that I'm not allowed to listen to this song in the car while they are passengers. Someone is bound to see me, and they are way too mortified to embrace my love for it...) It just makes me feel things. I want to go back to that time in my life. Just for a week. I know that will never happen, and all I can do is blink a bunch, smell some shit... and remember how fun that was. Yo.. this is somethin' comin' from the 9 deuce... (92? yeah... I think that is what that means anyway.... It sounds right coming out the left side of my mouth... deal with it kids... I'm fricken old... and this is my jam.)

Those are both great songs, and the memories that go along with them are understandable (In my mind, anyway) but the ' Fall music moment' that came 2 nights ago, was the one that 'got me' the most, and made me have to write a really long, drawn out blog entry. My kids and I were flipping through channels the other night, and stumbled upon the cartoon "Dragon Tales". Now, that may sound ridonk to normal people, but as that theme song started...  I got all weird and emotional. I cried. I have realized that I have a very blurry memory when it comes to having really little kids. I was home during the day with them, and worked three, really late, nights a week. I was absolutely exhausted, and I honestly don't remember much. It breaks my heart, and I dwell on it a bunch... but it just is what it is. It was fucking stressful to have a  3 year old and a one year old of my own... and watch my newborn Nephew 3 days a week... on days that I worked. (I'm stressed out just rereading that..) I had no idea that the Dragon Tales song could flood my brain with all sorts of gushy, lost memories. I was immediately taken back to the Fall of 2004. My son had just turned 1, and was already a total character. He had decided he hated wearing clothes, (A trait that has stuck with him through his last 8 years...) he also hated diapers and took them off all the time. He was the cutest kid I had ever seen. He loooved music, Bob the Builder, his hahee, (hammer) his bahoom, (vacuum) Dragon Tales and his Sister. Within the first few notes of that song, I pictured him in his diaper, (that he had half removed... hanging with one flap connected) with his baby mullet and soaking wet lips, bouncing in front of the tv. His huge, blue eyes would be glued to the tube for the entire half hour of that show. I sat there listening (feverishly sniffing and blind) and for a moment... all seemed right in the world. How could this stupid cartoon song fix all that had been wrong? I DO have memories of that time. I AM a good Mom. Can I get this song on repeat? It was just... the greatest thing ever. (and a huge relief... I mean... what Mom has no recollection of their kids' baby years? I was starting to worry! All I had were 7,000 pictures of them being cute and little. I guess it pays off to be the 'Momarazzi') :) I would also like to go back to that time in my life... for a week. But thanks to that song... I can go back any time I like :) To a time when nobody was in charge of my darling babies.... but me. They had everything they needed and were always happy. I could monitor what they ate, when/how much they pooped, who they hung out with, what they wore, what songs they loved.... all of that stuff I have lost control of. It's funny how that works. I wonder if 10 years from now, I'll hear a Justin Bieber song and be brought back to this time in their lives. I wonder what kind of emotions I'll have. I wonder if the "Dragon Tales" time will seem silly. It was so much simpler then. It boggles my mind how much things have changed. Thank God I have the music to remind me. Time goes too fast. So many 'Falls' under my belt...

Speaking of so many Falls under my belt... I also have a Fall birthday. I'm going to be 36 in a matter of weeks. I'm usually really gung ho about my birthday every year... but this one seems different. I don't care much. I guess I'm just getting too old for zebra buses and tent/garage parties. I'm not sure if all of this 'trip down memory lane' biz is due to me getting old and reflecting on things, or just randomly timed song appearances. Either way, I still love to hear a song that can bring me back to a time when things were different. Not better or worse... just different. Some would say 36 isn't old.... (Can someone please say that?) but when I start thinking and reflecting... and smelling the air and blinking... I realize that life is full of stuff. People, places, trips, milestones, etc...  I'm fortunate that all it takes is for "Desert Rose' to come on... and I'm 23 and back in Europe. Or, Dragon Tales comes on, and I'm magically transported back in time, and watching my babies grow up. How cool is that? Who knew music could be so powerful? :) At weddings or funerals... I'm only brought to tears when the music starts. It really does affect me.

 More often than not, songs also remind me of a person. In fact, when a person pops into my head, there is a song attached. Like a conversation bubble over their head. (Are you wondering what your song is? I'll tell you if you want to know. Some even have their own soundtrack...) :) I have actually said to my best friend "If you ever croak... I'll NEVER be able to listen to the radio again." She and I also have a joke that when certain songs are on... we feel like we 'have been there'. She is like me with music too. As are my Sister... and my Mom. We can't get through a conversation without turning something into song lyrics. Can't imagine life without it. My husband told me a few years ago, that I 'gave him' music. He wil never know how much that meant to me. :) I hope to pass that on to my kids too. I hope when my daughter is 35... she will hear "Since You've Been Gone" and remember us... singing and laughing... and making memories :) Or my kids will hear "Pumped Up Kicks" and think of their birthday parties... that revolve around a dj, dancing, and singing along to their favorite songs.

So, I guess I'm going to keep my radio tuned in to that radio station, and enjoy breathing in the rest of Fall in Minnesota. I know it eventually leads to Winter... and it is short lived. I'll have another birthday, pack a few lunches, get back into the swing of homework, dance and hockey just in time for the snow to fly. And I'm going to secretly download the theme songs from Caillou and Dragon Tales to my ipod... (Btw... does anyone know if Caillou has any hair yet? Or... has stopped whining? Roooooossssiiieeeee.... ugh.) :) I'm also going to secretly hope for a frost to happen real soon. I'm kind of getting sick of feeling like I need an epipen for my dramatic, deep breathing, song hearing, eye closing episodes...) :)

I better go breathe in some Fall air while I learn all the lyrics to all the songs on Pink's new cd... I'm sure there will be some memories made to that one that I'll need to reflect on some September a few years from now...  :)