Fall... And A Dragon Tale

I have to say, Fall is my absolute favorite time of year. Not only do the kids go back to school, but I can finally put way the tank tops, flip flops that have been demolished, Mom-like bathing suits and cover ups... and sweat rags. The leaves are changing, and there is a crispness in the air and an energy that don't accompany any other change of seasons. (Even though said 'crispness' makes me sneeze, makes my throat close, and makes my eyes swell shut and itch... I still dig it.) :) If I close my eyes (Not a huge feat these days) and take a big whiff of the Fall air, I can picture myself getting ready for my first day of school, celebrating birthdays, football games, going to parties and Homecomings, bringing home babies... so many things, it kind of makes my head spin. (Or, that head spinning could be from the Lyme's Disease I acquired this Summer. From all of the ticks I encountered on nature hikes that didn't happen? Ugh.) This time of year really is a cornucopia of emotions for me.

There are so many fond memories of Fall from my life. I can sniff and smell the Fall air till I get a bloody nose, or end up in anaphylactic shock.... but what really throws me for a 'trip down memory lane' loop, more than anything, is music. I often wonder what life would be like without it. Every memory that is sparked, with my canine-like air sniffing, has a certain song attached to it. I grew up in a very musical family. (I can't even imagine the visual that I just gave you. Like we sat around on our floor.... playing banjos and harmonicas... slapping our knees to the beat. :) If you didn't get that visual... you're welcome. I'm actually dying a little bit.) :) We were no Von Trapp Family Singers, but there was ALWAYS music on in the background of my childhood. It was one of those things we never discussed... it just... was.

I learned to love music from my parents. My Mom and her Kenny Loggins, Mamas and Papas, and Boz Scaggs. My Dad with the Spinners, James Brown and The Kinks. We were constantly singing and dancing. Not much has changed. I still put on my favorite jams while I vacuum or do... anything. Anyone who knows me well will tell you, I know every word to every song... ever. (It isn't really true... but it sure has been a fun party trick my whole life...) :) It seemed natural that my childhood dream would be to be a rock star. Fuck being a Princess or a Doctor... I wanna yell-sing and dance around on a stage in front of thousands of adoring fans. Hell, Choir was even the only class I attended regularly in high school. If I'm gonna show up... there better be music involved. :) Unfortunately... I realized I can't sing well. Unless I've had a few shots... then I truly should try out for the Voice... Shouldn't I? I would have all 4 judges turned around, begging me to be on their teams. I'd pick Cee Lo... just to throw everyone off... cuz who really picks Cee Lo, if they can actually sing!? He and I would do a Pat Benetar duet... and I'd win. I'd have haters on Twitter, a song on itunes.... and all that stuff. :) Ok, enough of my delusional fantasies. It isn't gonna happen. I'm a Mom/Stylist who just loves a good night of booze and Karaoke. Is that so wrong? I guess I'll just keep spending obscene amounts of money on concert tickets... to go see people who are actually living that dream. Bitches. :)

Sorry... Moving on...

The last few day have been filled with a plethora of memory sparking songs. There is a new radio station that I found, that plays a veritable 'mixed tape' of my life. I was driving to work, and "We Belong" came on. I almost crapped my pants. In the list of my top ten... that is right around number 3. It is one of those songs that has a very specific memory for me. I briefly shut the eyes, (I was driving) took a breath of Fall, and was immediately brought back to when we brought our Daughter home from the hospital, in the Fall of 2001. I had recently purchased a cd with this song on it, and I played it over and over. (You know... raging hormones... first kid... it's a fricken GIRL... she's perfect... my crotch hurts... I'm wearing a giant mesh diaper... we belong... yadda yadda...) I vividly recalled me and my husband standing over her bassinet in the living room, staring at her in awe, and thinking "What the hell do we do now? Is she breathing? Did she come with a manual?" It was one of the best times in my life. I picked her up and we danced in the living room to my 3rd favorite song. I actually wanted to go pick her up from school right then and there, and recreate that moment. It felt so real and recent... yet it was over a decade ago. Music does that to me. Too bad I was late for my appointment... it was a short lived warm fuzzy, but overwhelming, nonetheless. God I love that kid. :)

The next 'music moment' came later that day. Now, I know this may sound silly, and I can't help it, but the song "Ditty" came on... and I lost my marbles. (As I do every time) It is number 1 on my list. Numero uno. It brings me back to Fall of 11th grade. I was in high school, and my life hadn't quite become a disaster yet. I was meeting new friends and boys, going to parties as a 'job', I was darling, and I loved every minute of it. All that mattered was... well... meeting boys, being darling and... parties. Such a meaningful existence I was living :) Anyhoo... Whenever that song comes on, I am filled with so many different memories. It's one that doesn't lead me to one specific memory, but represents a list of good times that I'm so glad I had. It's hard to close my eyes or smell the air during this one... as I am out of breath from 'bounce dancing' like an old lady, and rapping (?) my heart out... out of the side of my mouth... like a total white girl. (My kids have come to the unanimous decision that I'm not allowed to listen to this song in the car while they are passengers. Someone is bound to see me, and they are way too mortified to embrace my love for it...) It just makes me feel things. I want to go back to that time in my life. Just for a week. I know that will never happen, and all I can do is blink a bunch, smell some shit... and remember how fun that was. Yo.. this is somethin' comin' from the 9 deuce... (92? yeah... I think that is what that means anyway.... It sounds right coming out the left side of my mouth... deal with it kids... I'm fricken old... and this is my jam.)

Those are both great songs, and the memories that go along with them are understandable (In my mind, anyway) but the ' Fall music moment' that came 2 nights ago, was the one that 'got me' the most, and made me have to write a really long, drawn out blog entry. My kids and I were flipping through channels the other night, and stumbled upon the cartoon "Dragon Tales". Now, that may sound ridonk to normal people, but as that theme song started...  I got all weird and emotional. I cried. I have realized that I have a very blurry memory when it comes to having really little kids. I was home during the day with them, and worked three, really late, nights a week. I was absolutely exhausted, and I honestly don't remember much. It breaks my heart, and I dwell on it a bunch... but it just is what it is. It was fucking stressful to have a  3 year old and a one year old of my own... and watch my newborn Nephew 3 days a week... on days that I worked. (I'm stressed out just rereading that..) I had no idea that the Dragon Tales song could flood my brain with all sorts of gushy, lost memories. I was immediately taken back to the Fall of 2004. My son had just turned 1, and was already a total character. He had decided he hated wearing clothes, (A trait that has stuck with him through his last 8 years...) he also hated diapers and took them off all the time. He was the cutest kid I had ever seen. He loooved music, Bob the Builder, his hahee, (hammer) his bahoom, (vacuum) Dragon Tales and his Sister. Within the first few notes of that song, I pictured him in his diaper, (that he had half removed... hanging with one flap connected) with his baby mullet and soaking wet lips, bouncing in front of the tv. His huge, blue eyes would be glued to the tube for the entire half hour of that show. I sat there listening (feverishly sniffing and blind) and for a moment... all seemed right in the world. How could this stupid cartoon song fix all that had been wrong? I DO have memories of that time. I AM a good Mom. Can I get this song on repeat? It was just... the greatest thing ever. (and a huge relief... I mean... what Mom has no recollection of their kids' baby years? I was starting to worry! All I had were 7,000 pictures of them being cute and little. I guess it pays off to be the 'Momarazzi') :) I would also like to go back to that time in my life... for a week. But thanks to that song... I can go back any time I like :) To a time when nobody was in charge of my darling babies.... but me. They had everything they needed and were always happy. I could monitor what they ate, when/how much they pooped, who they hung out with, what they wore, what songs they loved.... all of that stuff I have lost control of. It's funny how that works. I wonder if 10 years from now, I'll hear a Justin Bieber song and be brought back to this time in their lives. I wonder what kind of emotions I'll have. I wonder if the "Dragon Tales" time will seem silly. It was so much simpler then. It boggles my mind how much things have changed. Thank God I have the music to remind me. Time goes too fast. So many 'Falls' under my belt...

Speaking of so many Falls under my belt... I also have a Fall birthday. I'm going to be 36 in a matter of weeks. I'm usually really gung ho about my birthday every year... but this one seems different. I don't care much. I guess I'm just getting too old for zebra buses and tent/garage parties. I'm not sure if all of this 'trip down memory lane' biz is due to me getting old and reflecting on things, or just randomly timed song appearances. Either way, I still love to hear a song that can bring me back to a time when things were different. Not better or worse... just different. Some would say 36 isn't old.... (Can someone please say that?) but when I start thinking and reflecting... and smelling the air and blinking... I realize that life is full of stuff. People, places, trips, milestones, etc...  I'm fortunate that all it takes is for "Desert Rose' to come on... and I'm 23 and back in Europe. Or, Dragon Tales comes on, and I'm magically transported back in time, and watching my babies grow up. How cool is that? Who knew music could be so powerful? :) At weddings or funerals... I'm only brought to tears when the music starts. It really does affect me.

 More often than not, songs also remind me of a person. In fact, when a person pops into my head, there is a song attached. Like a conversation bubble over their head. (Are you wondering what your song is? I'll tell you if you want to know. Some even have their own soundtrack...) :) I have actually said to my best friend "If you ever croak... I'll NEVER be able to listen to the radio again." She and I also have a joke that when certain songs are on... we feel like we 'have been there'. She is like me with music too. As are my Sister... and my Mom. We can't get through a conversation without turning something into song lyrics. Can't imagine life without it. My husband told me a few years ago, that I 'gave him' music. He wil never know how much that meant to me. :) I hope to pass that on to my kids too. I hope when my daughter is 35... she will hear "Since You've Been Gone" and remember us... singing and laughing... and making memories :) Or my kids will hear "Pumped Up Kicks" and think of their birthday parties... that revolve around a dj, dancing, and singing along to their favorite songs.

So, I guess I'm going to keep my radio tuned in to that radio station, and enjoy breathing in the rest of Fall in Minnesota. I know it eventually leads to Winter... and it is short lived. I'll have another birthday, pack a few lunches, get back into the swing of homework, dance and hockey just in time for the snow to fly. And I'm going to secretly download the theme songs from Caillou and Dragon Tales to my ipod... (Btw... does anyone know if Caillou has any hair yet? Or... has stopped whining? Roooooossssiiieeeee.... ugh.) :) I'm also going to secretly hope for a frost to happen real soon. I'm kind of getting sick of feeling like I need an epipen for my dramatic, deep breathing, song hearing, eye closing episodes...) :)

I better go breathe in some Fall air while I learn all the lyrics to all the songs on Pink's new cd... I'm sure there will be some memories made to that one that I'll need to reflect on some September a few years from now...  :)