Mom Jeans and Mom Genes

I recently had a conversation with a long time friend of mine. It was going well... We were chatting about premature wrinkles, being fat, and periods... the usual stuff... and then, out of nowhere, she told me I had 'Mom jeans'. To which I replied, "Thanks, bitch. You do too?" (Are we in a fight?)  She clarified, and told me she actually said 'The Mom GENE', and I immediately apologized... and agreed.  I AM a pretty awesome Mom after all... Neurotic, hovery, overly honest, a bit obnoxious from time to time... but awesome in my own way.

It started me thinking about so many things. What actually constitutes having the mom gene? Is that a good thing, or a bad thing? Was she judging me? ARE we in a fight? Is it my minivan? I live in Eden Prairie... most people don't judge that choice... :) Do I have to wear mom jeans... in order to have the mom gene? Do I have to give up swearing, smoking and drinking? Am I exempt from genetic 'Momming' if I don't? Is it weird that you can tell me all sorts of nice things about me... and I don't care. (Not that I don't listen...very carefully... to those things...) But you say I have the mom gene and I wanna jump through the phone and make out with you? Why does that have such an impact on me? And then I figured it out...

When you first have a baby, you are so excited/nervous/confused (Mostly about the belly button to mid-spine diaper they give you, the mesh-like underpants...and the weird little squirt bottle...) that you really don't take into account the enormity of what you just did. You made a life... from scratch. It's all on you to not screw it up, and it's all consuming from here on out. It becomes your job, and the most important fete of your life. No choice you make, will ever be made again... without taking them into account. You do weird things like give up your body (sad face) and your kick ass career, so you can be home with them. Cleaning up poop, vomit, snot and food messes becomes a way of life. As does becoming a taxi, and a human napkin/kleenex/paper towel, but you couldn't be happier. You Feel guilty when you are having fun.... and they aren't. (Like...when you drink copious amounts of wine at a holiday, and they are bored to tears, playing with Tupperware at Grandpa's house...) You even shield them from silly things... like your Halloween costumes, so they aren't scared by your Vampire teeth, or grossed out and mortified when you dress up like Pamela Anderson... and your boobs are on the outside of your shirt. You become a crazy person at the park... making sure other people's brats aren't taking too long on the 2 swings that are available. Your kid needs a turn now. Move it, punk. :) You try to curb your mouth so they don't pick up your habits of swearing like a trucker. And, most importantly... you overcompensate for all the things you didn't get to do, or would change, from your own childhood. (For example... competition dance...and my obsessive hovering...) Weird stuff. There is a sense of pride when people tell you you are doing well at this most important job. It is the ultimate compliment. :)

We all have things we hated our Moms for. Like the time they grounded us before our best friend's huge party, (that EVERYONE in my grade got to go to but me...still bitter...) not letting us have sleepovers at certain friend's houses anymore, where it was really fun and there were never parents around... due to numerous calls from the Edina police department... and various other things that they did for our own good. But, for most of us, the reasons we love and need our Moms, completely negate those things. (Except for the party...still can't get over it) They wiped our tears, explained sex and periods more realistically than the school nurse, let you have huge parties when your boyfriend cheated on you, (I got to have lots... and lots of parties...) helped you when you needed it... and when you didn't... and helped guide us through the icky times, when nobody else gave a shit. As much as we don't want to admit it, a lot of us 'mother' just like our Moms did. It's comforting. I find myself saying "What would my Mom do about this?" more and more these days. (Don't tell her I said that...) It cracks me up. My whole life I thought I knew more than she did. She embarrassed me, scolded me, and meddled in my biz. Now I'm so grateful she did. Hindsight is an amazing thing. I will make tons of mistakes along the way. Hopefully none we can't recover from promptly. I will never forget to pack an afternoon snack for my daughter on the first day of Kindergarten again...I swear. :) I hope my kids look back on these years and know I gave up a lot,  and did the best I could, to be able to proudly wear mom jeans... (Baby steps though... Maybe I'll start with pajama jeans...) They are my best, little creations. :)